Moving Out
by Kyla Fitzpatrick

In six weeks, at the rate I am currently going, I will be homeless.  After nearly four years of crazy deck parties, late night gab fests, and wine-fueled dance parties, my roommates and I have decided that it is time to move out.  This wasn’t an easy decision – I adore living with them, I can actually afford my current rent, and, well, in New York you don’t give up an outdoor space that can easily hold 100 people without giving it some serious thought.  But after the second consecutive 11% rent hike, the possibility of another year in what is essentially a post college dorm – complete with ever-breaking appliances and rowdy twenty-two year old neighbors – suddenly seemed less appealing.  We could have looked for another three bedroom, I suppose, but provided that things continue to go well, my boyfriend and I plan to love in together next summer, and so I felt that this year I should try – for the first time in my life – actually living alone. 

But first I need to find an apartment. 

Those of you who have never tried to find an apartment in New York might assume this is an easy, or at least manageable, task.  You find an apartment, sign a lease, rent a U-Haul, and start hanging curtains.  This is, apparently, how the process works in most of the country.  In New York, however, it’s a different story.

First, there’s a matter of budget.  Now, a standard investment management book will tell you that you should spend less than thirty percent of your salary on rent.  In New York, this is laughable.  Everyone I know has a monthly “rent paycheck”, which covers rent and, if you are lucky, utilities, and a monthly “everything else” paycheck, which covers things like, you know, food.

Then, there is, as they say, location, location, location.  Here, you’ll see the principles of supply and demand in full effect.  Basically, if you’d actually like to live in a neighborhood, you probably can’t afford it.  And, if you are like me and spend half your time commuting to Westchester, your options are even more limited.  In sunny May it is real easy to convince yourself that the hike from York Avenue to the 4/5 train is a chance to get some fresh air and exercise, but come December things don’t look as rosy.  And don’t think that moving to Brooklyn is going to help your cause, at this point, you can’t afford the outer boroughs either.

Then there’s the great broker debate.  A broker will show you various apartments throughout the city, (possibly) in your price range, (maybe) in your favored neighborhood, (very occasionally) with your preferred amenities or lease start date.  In return, he will charge you 15% of a year’s rent.  Yes, you read that right - almost two month’s rent.  And you’ll be lucky if he actually calls you back. Now it is theoretically possible to find the perfect New York apartment without using a broker. It’s also theoretically possible that I am going to see a unicorn on my morning commute, but I am not holding my breath. 

Once you actually find an apartment, there’s the application process.  Management companies will generally want you to make between forty and sixty times the monthly rent in your annual salary.  If you don’t, they’ll require that you have a guarantor – basically, your parents will have to sign in blood that they’ll cover your rent should something happen and you can’t do it yourself.  (At less than two years shy of thirty, this is the first apartment where I haven’t needed a guarantor.  And let me tell you, it feels like I’ve finally made it.)  You’ll also be asked to supply an offer letter, recent paychecks, bank statements, tax returns, and references.  Throwing in your first born child isn’t standard at this point, but I wouldn’t be surprised.

At this point, amenities like doormen, dishwashers, and elevators will seem beside the point.  You’ll be beaten down and exhausted, and it will suddenly seem completely reasonable to spend half your salary to walk up five flights of stairs, turn on a fan because you lack AC, and wash those dishes by hand.  And the situation isn’t going to improve any time soon.  According to The New York Times, vacancies rates are expected to drop from the current 3.7 percent to 3.3 percent by the end of the year.

Maybe this moving out thing wasn’t such a hot idea in the first place.   The outdoor space is really nice…

May 14, 2007